Why Do I Hate My Family? Dealing With Hard Emotions

 

Things to Know About Toxic Family Members Emotional abuse, conflicted personalities or values, neglect, traumatic family events, mental health problem-related issues, poor attachment style, and others can be the main reasons behind “why do I hate my family.” Disrespected, unsupported, misunderstood, and exploited children usually develop hate for parents or family members. Establishing clear and healthy boundaries can be one of the best ways to deal with toxic family members.

In everyone’s life, there happens to be a situation wherein we begin to hate our family or lose our bond with them. I have heard “I hate my family” from multiple people and the fact is that they are not happy with the hatred, they wish to resolve it.

A close connection like a family cannot be found or established again. However, due to some situations, people start hating their families. If you’re also here to find reasons for “Why do I hate my family”, relax you’ve landed on the right page.

Anthony Brandt appropriately quoted, “Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.” Then, why do you want to run away from your family members? Can’t we focus on forgiveness, moving on, gratitude, or more?

These coping mechanisms can surely help you in mending down the broken relationships again. Keep reading this blog to understand the causes of hate and what to do when you hate your family.

Causes of “I hate my family”

Factors related to “I hate my family” vary upon the situation. Situations can be an abusive relationship, neglect, toxic behavior, conflict, or more.

Before learning how to overcome such feelings, it is really important to understand the causes behind such hard emotions. Below mentioned are some common causes provided in a survey of UK adults who were alienated from their family members or parents:

• Emotional abuse
• Conflicting personalities or values
• Neglect
• Traumatic family events
• Different or unrealistic expectations
• Mental health problem-related issues
• Poor attachment style
• Poor boundaries
• Disregarding emotions or feelings
• Unreasonable demands
• No respect of the privacy
• Not treating family member’s individuality
• Excessive strictness or control
• Constant criticism or comparison with others

Signs of Toxic Relationships with Family

When you feel like your family relationship is turning toxic or is already toxic, it can be really emotionally and psychologically challenging. Due to poor relationships or attachments, you begin to hate them.

However, learning signs of toxic relationships with family can help you with a better understanding and coping mechanisms. Below are some common signs of a toxic relationship with family members.

1. Exploited

When high or unrealistic expectations are given by family members, it can convert into hatred.

2. Misunderstood

There is a sign for toxic people that they always show that you’ve misunderstood them to just bring you down.

3. Disrespected

Disrespect comes when you feel like your parents or other family members do not respect your decisions, space, needs, emotions, and feelings.

4. Unsupported

You begin to feel like you’re not supported by your family members is the time when you feel like leaving everything behind. This feeling also leads us to think that they don’t know the real us, they are not even willing to understand you or provide you mental support when you need them.

5. Blamed

When things don’t go according to your planning, your family members begin to blame you or refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

6. Negative

Toxic family members often focus on bringing out your worst part so that they can leave negative comments on you and others can also believe the same.

What to Do When You Hate Your Family?

After understanding the causes and signs behind the hatred towards your family or parents, it’s time to understand what to do when you feel this way. It can be really mentally exhausting or challenging to feel with such hard emotions.

Whether you wish to live with your family or want to maintain limited contact, establishing your mental health and protecting your space should be your priorities.

Here are some coping techniques to adapt when you hate your family.

1. Acknowledge

Begin the process by accepting your feelings without passing any judgment on yourself. Do not blame yourself for such mishappenings, work on self-acceptance, and if possible work on improving relationships with your family. Whenever you feel sad or intoxicated by your family members, acknowledge your feelings and thoughts and name the emotion.

It’s okay to feel negative in such times, therefore, never let your intrusive thoughts take over, instead work on resolving your emotions. It’s always better to resolve such emotions instead of hiding them.

2. Decide

Clearly, it’s your decision, if you wish to move out of your home or not but before making any decisions, make a plan for each and every step. You can make plans according to your needs, feelings, and emotions.

Overall, just try to avoid conflicts with your family. If in case, you’re planning to move out of your house, list the places you’ve always wished to move in. Take the references of your friends or social support. Never act without making a plan.

3. Mend

You can also look forward to mending down the unhealthy relationship with your family members. You can choose to heal if you are willing to trust, communicate, understand, and re-establish the relationship again. In such cases, trust but verify also comes first.

Therefore, discuss your issues with your family members, let them understand your viewpoints, take the mend-down process slowly, and allow time and space for each other

4. Establish

If you’re thinking of re-establishing the relationship again, it’s important to set clear boundaries with your family members so that you can live stress-free.

Meanwhile, it is difficult to set boundaries with family, just make sure you’re respected. First of all, you need to understand your needs and wants in a relationship. When you start setting boundaries, explain your feelings and discuss the consequences of crossing boundaries as well.

5. Seek support

If things are not going in your favor, you can also seek individual counseling or family counseling to establish a healthy relationship with you and your family.

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In My Experience

Additionally, you can also reach out to friends or other loved ones for support. You can create your own family or support circle. Communicate your feelings to your loved ones, discuss your issues openly with them, and if you’re not in the mood for advice, ask them to listen. Moreover, you can also connect through online support groups, it’s always helpful to hear the struggles of other people who have the same emotions.

How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Your Family?

Sometimes, disowning a toxic family member is not a solution. In such cases, mending the relationship can be an effective strategy; however, it’s important to learn how to maintain a healthy relationship with the family. In this section, I have listed some of the effective ways to maintain a healthy relationship with your family:

Set healthy boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is an important step for maintaining healthy relationships with family members. Whatever the cause, it’s time to mend the relationship by setting boundaries. To set boundaries, understand your needs and wants in a relationship, and then discuss with your family members so that you all can work on maintaining healthy relationships mutually.

Limit the information and communication

For the time being, try to limit the information and communication until you start gaining trust again. Provide some time and space to the relationship, this way you’ll also be able to avoid triggers. Additionally, if you’re into adulthood you’re not obliged to share all details with your toxic family members.

Keep your focus intact

In some cases, it’s not possible to resolve toxicity completely. Therefore, set your goals mindfully and if your family members continue to show toxicity, keep your focus intact, and work on achieving your goals.

I hope this blog helps you with “what to do when you hate your family.” Comment down your views on the same. For more such content, connect with us on all social media platforms.

Thanks for reading!