The Penny Method: Hurtful And Manipulative Form Of Dating

In my teenage years, I was in a relationship with a guy for a year. After some months of dating, I noticed small changes frequently in his patterns, behaviors, and everything. Slowly, I realized he was putting in the effort that was only required to be in a relationship. For example, he used to communicate very little, the little dose of communication used to fix me on a temporary level but on a permanent level, I needed more!

More of his attention, love, expression, communication, and more. In 2024, when I looked back on this relationship pattern, I couldn’t stop relating my experience of dating to “The Penny Method.” You might have heard of this term on social media platforms. “The Penny Method” is a trending TikTok term used to describe a manipulative dating pattern.

In this blog, let’s explore the penny method of dating and what one can do about it. So, let’s get started!

What is “The Penny Dating?”

Penny dating is a viral term on social media used to describe manipulative relationship patterns. It happens when a partner starts seeing you as a piggy bank. In the initial days of dating, they might woo you in every way possible and then slowly put in efforts that are only required to be in a relationship.

Over time, one partner strategically reduces their efforts in the relationship, and at a certain point, you start realizing that the person is only putting “pennies” to maintain the interest in the relationship. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you want more, be it love, passion, understanding, respect, and everything.

But in penny dating, things get the opposite, you start receiving only what’s required to maintain the relationship. “The Penny Method” is definitely a toxic dating trend wherein a partner maintains a relationship similar to piggy banks. The term “piggy” might make you feel bad right now, but if you think mindfully and wisely, you’ll be able to understand more about this trend.

Stages of “The Penny Dating”

As I said, you’re strategically moved on to “penny dating”, a partner who’s into penny dating is a manipulator and they know exactly what to do. Here’s how you can identify if you’re into the penny dating or not:

1. Wooing Stage: The first stage of penny dating is the wooing stage wherein a partner puts a lot of effort into building the relationship healthily. In this stage of dating, a partner makes you feel special by putting 100% effort into the relationship.
2. Build-Up of Interest Stage: Once you’re into your partner entirely, you will not know but the partner will start reducing their efforts slowly. Now, at this stage, you will not be able to confront them because they might manipulate you and as a result, it will impact your self-esteem. That’s because, deep down, when we’re in love, we want more!
3. Bump-Up the Interest Stage: In this stage, the efforts will be lowered entirely. The manipulator will start only putting effort or interest required. For example, a person might reduce their efforts to 95% and the 5% interest received will fuel up your interest levels.
4. Gradual Reduction Stage: Gradually, a partner will reduce their investment levels with the help of manipulation tactics.
5. Maintenance Stage: Slowly, the relationship reaches a stage where you will only receive a few percentages (the equivalent of a penny). In order to keep you hooked, the partner will keep the smaller investment maintained.

How “The Penny Method” Affects Your Wellbeing?

“The penny dating” method can banter your well-being into multiple ways such as:

• Reduces self-esteem and self-worth
• Reduces sense of self
• Reduces sense of trust
• Reduces ability to fall in love again
• Breaks trust, empathy, and respect

How to Prevent Ourselves from “Penny Dating?”

Being in love with a manipulator can break us in many ways. In order to move on, one must start gaining a sense of self-esteem again. Apart from this, here’s what you can do to protect yourself from the “Penny Dating” method:

• Beware of wooers: The beginning of penny dating is the wooing stage, if you find someone excessively wooing, take some time and patience to decide. Remember, a healthy relationship is only established when you need more of them and your partner is able to fulfill your needs or vice versa.
• Notice small changes: If you think you’re currently involved in penny dating, start looking for smaller changes and communicate your feelings to prevent yourself from the manipulator.
• Look for the other signs: The penny dating is not only limited to putting effort but also communication, expression, love, affection, trust, and more. look for the other’s signs and decide mindfully.
• Confront your feelings: If you’re not sure about your feelings, confront your feelings in front of your partner, and describe your goals, boundaries, and needs.

Before, you close this tab and discuss this term on social media, a gentle reminder… “Falling in love is easy, however, staying in love with the same person requires a lot of effort, patience, love, and more.” If you want to establish a healthy relationship with your partner, understand each other’s needs and never let them have doubts about the relationship.

Share this blog with your loved ones and protect them from this toxic dating trend. If you wish to add more to this piece, leave a comment below!

Thanks for reading!