8 Psychologists-Approved Ways To Stop Self-Shame Spiral

How often do you vent your feelings in front of your loved ones? To be honest, I am someone who’s not able to express feelings or compassion to others. I can sense compassion but it takes a lot to express it! And, this feeling often results in self-blaming, self-shaming, and whatnot! Self-shame is one of the culprits behind self-destructive behaviors, social avoidance, and addictions.

We all have somewhere felt shame about our actions or behaviors, eventually, we learn a lesson and move on. But there are some situations or experiences that become a shame spiral wherein we keep on falling! What is a shame spiral?

A shame spiral means re-living the awful moment again and again with unexplained emotions, self-loathing, and challenges. Self-shame spiral keeps on getting broader and larger with time. Shame spirals are more related to flashbacks or PTSD wherein people keep on thinking about the awful things they might have experienced. In short, the shame spiral is a loathing loop wherein it is difficult to get yourself back out of it.

If you’re also stuck in a self-shame spiral, keep reading this blog to learn 8 psychologists approved strategies to stop the self-shame spiral.

8 Ways to Stop Self-Shame Spiral

1.Practice self-compassion

Self-shame spiral is like getting into self-criticism again and again. Self-criticism or negative self-talk can make you worthless, undesirable, or unlovable. Do you want these for yourself/ no, right…practice self-compassion. Give a pat on your shoulder, make yourself comfortable, and search out ways to clear the mess you’ve made up on your mind. Show yourself some kindness and become more aware of your thoughts and feelings. To learn more about self-compassion, read:

The 3 Main Elements of Self-Compassion

2.Follow the footmarks of self-forgiveness

The fact is that shameful experiences are a part of life and you don’t have to feel bad about that. The more criticism you’ll pass on yourself, the more you’re likely to fall under the trap of a shame spiral. Therefore, free yourself from the shame or guilt you’ve been holding for so long and put yourself on the road to self-forgiveness. You can begin by thinking about or thanking all the people that have praised you.

3.Practice mindfulness and jump to the decisions

As I said, the more we think, the more we’re likely to fall into the trap of self-shame, therefore, you had enough of spiralled thinking, and now it’s time to jump to decisions or conclusions. You can begin the process by shifting your focus to something else or positive. You can also get your hands on creativity so that you can formulate a way out of your spiral. More importantly, trust the process and get into it so that you can understand your emotions as well.

4.Be kind to yourself and take support from others

The overall process can be overwhelming sometimes, therefore, show some kindness to yourself. Throughout the process, be patient and allow your emotions to get through so that you can formulate an effective way out of it. During the process or overwhelming times, you can also take the help of your loved ones or the people who support you. Having a quick pep talk really helps!

5.Avoid self-isolation and talk about your feelings

As I mentioned above, the process can sometimes get messier, during such cases, avoid self-isolating yourself and avoid digging into the past again. In such cases, you can try venting down your feelings in front of your loved ones, partners, or parents because they know you better, and it is always a better idea to open up instead of suppressing your feelings. Trust me, it’s not the right thing to do!

6.Write down your experiences, feelings, or thoughts

If you’re not ready to talk to someone or seek someone’s support, you can always journal your thoughts, feelings, or experiences in your diary. Journaling allows you to reduce stress, boost overall well-being, encourage freedom from negative thoughts or the past, process your emotions, and most importantly, it helps you to figure out your next step. Additionally, it puts you on the road to self-discovery, therefore, get a pen and diary and start writing down!

7.Reframe your situation

One of the most effective ways to get out of a self-shame spiral is to reframe the situation. Since shame is related to negative self-talk, you might be destructing your thoughts. And, it is really possible to regret your past without associating shame with it. Remember, it’s completely to regret but that does not make you a bad person, you must not punish yourself for the past, you must try reframing the situation, learn lessons from it, and move on.

8.Seek professional help

If you still get stuck in the cycle of shame or self-destruction, don’t worry, you can take the help of a mental health professional who can provide you with a judgment-free space. Talk therapy can be a great beginning to process, change, or understand your behaviors.

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I hope this blog helps you understand how to stop a self-shame spiral.

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Thanks for reading!