Temper Tantrums – What are they, and how do you cope with them

Temper tantrum is a self-explanatory term. It is an emotional outburst to fulfill one’s desires. Usually, children show temper tantrums by acting unpleasantly and displaying disruptive behavior.

Have you ever seen a toddler asking for chocolate, a toy, or anything they like at a grocery store? If the parent refuses, what happens? They start yelling, crying, or showing other disruptive behavior, right? But why does this happen? Is there something wrong with the child, or does the parent not care for the child’s needs?

This happens because a child’s desires or needs are unmet. Hence, to get attention and fulfill their demands, they show this emotional meltdown called a temper tantrum. However, as the child gets older, these tantrums are reduced. However, in cases when tantrums take a severe turn, intervention, understanding of temper tantrums, and ways to cope with and prevent them become essential. These unplanned outbursts of anger and frustration can take place anywhere.

What is a Temper Tantrum?

A temper tantrum is an unplanned outburst of anger and frustration shown by a child when their desires are unmet. Young children usually show temper tantrums and they act out, show disruptive behavior, shout on top of their voice. They act in this way as they cannot express themselves in words, so they use emotions and physical gestures.

Which can be verbal, physical, or both.

Often, when you say no to even buying a small thing such as candy or a balloon, the child may react strongly to this situation and trash, yell, or start hitting. This happens because toddlers have a nature to fulfill their demands. However, when this behavior gets uncontrollable, and a child shows tantrums even after age four, one should not ignore it, thinking tantrums are a part of a child’s development, making them independent.

Note—Tempers usually last two to fifteen minutes. However, if they exceed this time limit, you should consult a therapist.

What causes Temper Tantrum in kids?

There are different reasons why children show temper tantrums. However, the most common ones are:

• Demanding attention.
• Wanting their desire or need to be fulfilled.
• Do not want to do something that has been asked of them.
• Low energy.

Another big reason for temper tantrums in young children is the conflict between what they feel and what they say. The child wants to be independent but even wants parents to pay attention, and this conflicting demand makes them throw tantrums. Some children even use it as a coping skill that helps them deal with their strong emotions and disappointment.

In some cases, parents blame themselves for their child’s behavior and think they are bad parents, but it is not a reflection of poor parenting. Tantrums can happen because of a child’s personality. The situation is a normal part of a child’s development.

Signs of Temper Tantrum

• Whining, crying, and shouting
• Hitting, pinching, kicking
• Hanging arms and legs
• Holding their breath
• Go limb
• Tense their body
• Lie on the floor and cry

How to cope with Temper Tantrums?

Then your child should stepper. Try these strategies to control these tantrums:

Look for a distraction: If you feel that the child is about to start with a tantrum, but it is not yet fully blown, distract the child by making them pay attention to other things. You can point out some exciting activities or pay attention to them to shift their focus towards you.

Stay calm: Do not show anger, threaten them, or start lecturing them when they are in the middle of a tantrum. When you show a tantrum, it will worsen, and the child will not get calm easily. Talk to them about their earlier behavior. Explain to them and understand their point of view so that next time the child has such a tantrum, you know how to handle it.

Ignore the tantrum: Avoid paying attention to the tantrum. This will help the child understand that this behavior is unacceptable and that they won’t get what they want if they keep throwing tantrums.

Keep them in sight: When in a public place or a store, always keep the child by your side. So if you feel that the child may hurt themselves or other people or might show a temper tantrum, you are ready to tackle them.

Keep them safe: Ensure that no objects that can harm the child are near them. Hold them with yourself so that they don’t hurt themselves. If the child is out of control, bring them to a safe place and calm them down. Use a time-out and place them in a room away from the TV and other distractions, if necessary.

Avoid changing your mind: Do not give into your child’s demands. If you do so, you will tell your child that when they show a tantrum, their demand will be fulfilled. If you are in a safe place, like your home, when they show a tantrum, you can leave the room and go into another one.

What should I do after the Temper Tantrum?

Once the tantrum is over, have a conversation with your child to try to understand what happened and the reason for such behavior. Alongside, also follow these tips:

• When the child calms down, praise them for their positive behavior and good choices.
• Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Let them know that you understand their frustration.
• Give your child attention as it helps them with their emotions.
• Teach the child to label their emotions so that they can describe frustration, irritation, jealousy, anger, or disappointment.
• Tantrums are emotions. Giving them words will help your child express them in a better way.
• Be a good role model. Children look up to their parents. If you show frustrated, irritated behavior in front of them, they will copy your behavior.

How can I prevent a Temper Tantrum?

You cannot create a tantrum-free environment because tantrums are how children show their emotions. It’s a natural part of their development. But you can take certain steps that will help reduce the severity of these tantrums:

• Give them choices to choose with the reason. For example, if they have to choose between two snacks or outfits, give them choices so they can choose what they want and feel in control. However, when giving them choices, ensure they are comfortable with them, and don’t give them false hope.
• Make them aware of the change that is going to happen. If they are about to leave home and go to the playground or vice versa, let them know in advance so they don’t get angry. However, if the transition is as big as another sibling coming to the family or you are moving somewhere out, give them enough time to prepare. Keep them informed of the upcoming changes.
• Sometimes, lack of nutrition and sleep can also cause tantrums; therefore, ensure that you feed them properly and that they are well-rested. If a child lacks a balanced diet and enough sleep, they show temper tantrums.

When is professional help needed?

As the child grows, tantrums become less common. Most children begin to have fewer tantrums by the age of four. However, if the child still shows tantrums or is causing harm to others and himself or herself, is holding their breath during tantrums, fainting, has severe headaches, feels frustrated, is unable to handle emotions, or shows any other destructive signs. You should consult a psychologist or a healthcare provider.

What’s the best way to respond to a tantrum?

Generally, the best way to respond to a tantrum is to stay calm. As children imitate their parents, if they see you getting angry, frustrated, or shouting at them, they will do the same, which will only worsen things. Therefore, when your child shows tantrums, try to distract them, give them a book or change the location, and make a face as this will help them calm down.

If you have denied your child something that he or she wants, give them an alternative. However, if you have asked them not to play in a certain area, let them know where they can play. This will help them understand what is right and how it should be done.

Additionally, if your child kicks or tries to show tantrums in a public place to stop them, hold them firmly until they come down when they are quiet and able to understand. Explain to them that such behavior in public is not appropriate.

What if my child becomes destructive or dangerous?

If the tantrum does not calm down in a minute, take your child away from the situation. Select a place that would be the time-out spot. Seat your child in a boring place where they do not have anything to play. Wait for the child to calm down. Give them a minute to stick with this practice.

If your child starts moving around during this time, bring them back to the original spot. Don’t respond or say anything to the child during this time. When the child calms down, discuss with them the reason for the timeout. However, don’t use this technique too much, as it won’t work if it becomes a habit.

Takeaway

Temper tantrums are normal. They are part of the growing age of a child. Every child shows a tantrum till the age of four. As children do not know how to express their emotions they show it through tantrums.

As a parent, you need to understand the reason behind their behavior and explain to them how to behave. When they show a tantrum over a thing, give them a choice as this will make them feel controlled. Handle the situation calmly, as responding with aggression won’t help it will only complicate things.

Temper tantrums make the child feel independent, but also the children want their parents’ attention. Therefore, whenever the child shows a tantrum rather than behaving aggressively, try to understand what makes the child frustrated and irritated. Help them out. Listen to your child. This will help them calm down. Also, when the child shows a temper drip, acknowledging your child’s emotions helps them understand what can be a better way to react rather than showing a tantrum.

In case a temper tantrum lasts for 15 minutes and even after the age of four or the child is very violent. The child can harm oneself and others. You should talk to a medical practitioner, as they will help you understand what is going on with your child and what can be done to control these temper tantrums.