13 Signs You Have An Emotionally Abusive Parent

Parents are often seen as the foundation of love, care, and guidance. We turn to them for stability and reassurance—a safe haven in a chaotic world. But what happens when that foundation starts to feel shaky?

Have you ever found yourself walking on eggshells around your parents? Perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of statements like:

• “You’re so ungrateful.”
• “We’ve sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you repay us?”

These words might seem like expressions of frustration, maybe even regular parental discipline. But when repeated, they leave emotional scars that go far deeper than you might realize.

Emotional abuse doesn’t leave physical marks, but its impact shapes your self-esteem, relationships, and mental health for years to come. These scars are silent, which is why they go unnoticed, but they leave you questioning your feelings, worth, and identity. You might even wonder, “Is it just me? Am I overreacting?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. In this post, we will explain the signs of emotional abuse and will explore:

• Types of Emotional Abuse
• Effects of Emotional Abuse
• Signs of Emotional Abuse from Parents in Adults
• How to Heal and Move Forward

Things Emotionally Abusive Parents Say

Emotionally abusive parents manipulate, belittle, or make their children feel guilty by using statements that might seem harmless or normal. Still, their repeated use causes emotional harm, making the child question his worth.
Here are a few examples of what might seem normal but isn’t:

“You’re so ungrateful.”

“We’ve sacrificed everything for you, and if we expect something from you, then we are wrong.”

“You’ll never achieve anything in life.”

“See your friends and cousins; how good they are. Why can’t you be like them?”

“Stop overacting. We have not said anything new; don’t get defensive. If you want to prove us wrong, then prove yourself.”

“Everything I do is for your good.”

These statements might seem familiar, and most of you must hear them. Whether you are saying or receiving them, remember that these phrases can leave lasting scars when used to control, demean, or invalidate a child’s emotions.

Types of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is not just of one type. It can take many forms, which is why recognizing these patterns is a must, and once that is done, understanding its impact becomes easy:

1. Verbal Abuse

Constant criticism, insults, or yelling. This means calling the child names, labeling them, making fun of their efforts, and highlighting their downfall.

2. Emotional Neglect

Lack or no emotional support or validation. This means ignoring a child’s needs, not paying attention to their fears and achievements, and failing to acknowledge them.

3. Manipulation and Control

Making the child feel guilty for their action, shifting blame, and threatening the child to keep control. They use phrases like “If you love me, you will not do this or will do this.” “After what I have done for you, how can you not listen to me.” “I have done everything I could, and for you, it means nothing.”

4. Conditional Love

Love the child only when they meet certain expectations. This means only acknowledging them when they are successful or have achieved something else, withholding affection.

5. Gaslighting

Not paying attention to what the child has experienced. Making them think that what they are reacting to is trivial makes the child doubt their reality. The most common examples are – “Do not be dramatic. Nothing severe happened.” “You cannot do anything.” “You are dreaming that thing never happened.”

Effects of Emotional Abuse

The impact of emotional abuse often extends far beyond childhood. It affects various aspects of an individual’s life, which includes the following:

1. Low Self-Esteem

When there is continuous emotional abuse, the child feels inadequate and doubts self. Moreover, as they grow, they face difficulty believing in their worth or capabilities, often seeking external validation.

2. Difficulty in Relationships

Manipulative and controlling parents do not understand the impact they are leaving. Due to their controlling nature, as children grow up, they face problems in creating relationships. They have trouble trusting others or setting healthy boundaries, leading to unhealthy relationships, either by seeking validation or avoiding intimacy altogether.

3. Mental Health Challenges

Healing from emotional abuse is not easy because the trauma child experiences increases the risk of anxiety, depression, and emotional disorders. Also, they face difficulty managing stress or coping with life’s challenges due to unresolved trauma.

4. Emotional Dysregulation

When there is emotional neglect from the parent’s side, the child cannot express their emotions. They have difficulty understanding, managing, or expressing emotions, which causes them to overreact to perceived criticism or conflict due to heightened sensitivity.

5. Chronic Guilt and Shame

Gaslighting, when done by parents, always makes the child doubt themselves. Moreover, as they grow, they feel responsible for others’ failures or unhappiness and often take on blame that isn’t theirs to carry.

13 Signs Of Emotional Abuse From Parents

1. They Belittle You

Negative remarks, name-calling, and verbal reprimands are common when it comes to emotional abuse. Parents, if they call you hurtful names in the guise of “tough love,” can be a sign of emotional abuse from parents. When a parent belittles your efforts, your achievements, your personality, or your appearance, they are being abusive.

A parent raising their voice or teasing their child isn’t wrong, per se, but constantly undermining and belittling is. This kind of behavior can severely damage a child’s confidence in themselves in the future and can leave them feeling unworthy and undeserving of love.

2. They Criticize You

Criticism is a part of growing up. It is how we learn to grow and learn from our mistakes. All healthy relationships involve a degree of constructive criticism, which is okay. However, in emotional and mental abuse from parents, criticism can become a tool and destroy a child’s self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth.

If your parents are overly critical of you and your behavior all the time, it is a sign of emotional abuse from parents. Parents are known to provide criticism when needed, but it is not constructive when it overshadows your positive achievements. This behavior can lead a child to develop negative self-talk and a poor perception of their self-image.

3. They Invalidate Your Emotions

Parents try their best to help us when we are in need. Still, when a parent refuses to acknowledge your emotions or refuses to validate them as important, then it is another sign of emotional abuse from parents. For example, if your parents tell you that “you’re too sensitive,” it is them invalidating your emotions.

This can lead a child to develop commitment issues in the future, diminishing their self-worth, emotional skills, and intelligence.

4. They Guilt You In Doing Things

Another sign of abusive parents is that they will use ‘guilt trips’ to manipulate their children into doing things. This tactic may appear non-threatening and make you feel guilty, like not doing what they said is your fault. If your parent is not communicating with you clearly and is using your words against you, then it is a sign that they are emotionally abusing you.

Emotional manipulation is wrong in many ways and can impact the way your future relationships—personally and professionally—work.

5. They Give You The ‘Silent Treatment’

Another sign to look out for is when your parents give you the “Silent Treatment.” They will avoid talking to you if they are unsatisfied with something you did or are upset with you.

Giving silent treatment is another sign of mental abuse from parents. They will make it so that you’re compelled to make the first move to fix things – even if you did nothing wrong.

This behavior can affect a child’s ability to find and maintain a healthy personal relationship in the future.

6. They Are Emotionally Unavailable

Another sign of emotional abuse from parents is when your parent is physically present but emotionally absent. You live under the same roof, but are your parents not there for you? This can negatively affect your communication skills and make you feel disconnected and aloof.

Being emotionally available and physically present is important in any relationship, and not doing so can negatively affect one’s self-confidence and self-worth.

7. They Are Over-Involved In Your Life

Healthy boundaries are essential for every parent-child, spousal, or work relationship. In a parent-child relationship, maintaining boundaries means letting your child explore the world and giving them enough space to learn and grow independently without fearing judgment.

A sign of abusive parents is when they refuse to give a child enough privacy and are overly involved in their personal lives. This could mean – in childhood – one or both parents rifling through your personal belongings, and – in adulthood – it could mean asking inappropriate questions about your personal life, finances, or work.

8. They Blame You For Their Problems

Another sign of emotional abuse from a parent can be them refusing to take responsibility for their behavior and instead blaming you for their stress and problems. An emotionally abusive father or mother will place blame for their actions on the feet of their child or other family members.

These kinds of behaviors aren’t to be ignored. Later in life, this emotional manipulation and abuse can lead you to develop low confidence and other mental health problems or personality disorders.

9. They Are Passive-Aggressive

Being passive-aggressive is a sign of emotional abuse from parents in adults, too. Passive-aggressive people don’t come out and say what’s bothering them. However, they’ll continue to seethe on the inside. On the surface, your parents might look calm and collected, but on the inside, they are quite the opposite.

10. They Don’t Apologize For Their Behavior

Even if your parents had a bad day and snapped at you angrily, they would later apologize for their behavior. An emotionally abusive father or mother, on the other hand, would refuse to apologize or even acknowledge that their behavior was inappropriate. They would, instead, tell their child that they are being oversensitive.

Emotionally abusive parents lack the desire to recognize their inappropriate behavior and apologize for their actions. Even if they do apologize, their apology will lack sincerity.

11. They Withhold Affection And Compliments

All children want to please their parents, and all parents like to boast about their children’s activities. Not in the case of emotionally abusive fathers or mothers. In such cases, parents tend to hold or avoid showing affection and compliments even when their child deserves it.

As I mentioned in an earlier point, emotionally abusive parents tend to be criticizing and would rather withhold affection and use phrases to make you feel less-than.

12. They Threaten Abuse

Another sign of emotional abuse from parents can include a threat of physical abuse or violence, even if they don’t follow through. This emotionally abusive tactic creates an environment that can make a child feel unsafe. This can be just as harmful and worse than physical abuse.

For example, using intimidation as a tactic. Such actions might result in a person developing PTSD or similar issues.

13. They Verbally Abuse You

One other subtle sign of mental and emotional abuse from parents includes using belittling and harmful words or phrases toward you. Childhood verbal abuse can increase the risk of developing personality disorders, psychiatric disorders, relationships, and trust issues in the future.

Verbal abuse in a parent-child relationship can result in a child developing traumatic issues which, in the future, may prevent them from trusting others, opening up to others, or even harming their work and social relationships.

Impact Of Emotional Abuse In A Parent-Child Relationship

Emotional abuse from parents can leave invisible scars and a lasting impression on a child’s psyche. This behavior can lead a child to develop problems such as:

• Anxiety
• Codependency
• Introversion
• Loneliness
• Inability to develop nurturing relationships
• Attention-seeking behavior
• Substance abuse
• Mental health problems
• Addiction

Emotional abuse from parents can leave you feeling less-than and undeserving. This behavior, especially from a parent, can make you unable to form healthy and nurturing relationships with others in the future. It can affect your ability to raise your children healthily.

It is, however, essential to set boundaries and ask for space if you’re experiencing these signs of emotional or mental abuse from your parent(s). If you’re still facing trouble setting healthy boundaries and require additional support from a licensed counselor, don’t hesitate to reach out.

How to Deal with Emotionally Abusive Parents as an Adult

Healing from emotional abuse and building a healthy relationship with abusive parents as an adult can be challenging, but it is possible. Here are some strategies you can implement:

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Now that you are an adult, you know what works for you and what does not. Let your parents know the same. Communicate clearly what behaviors you will no longer tolerate.

Example: “I don’t feel comfortable with this conversation,” or “I want you to respect me and my decisions.”

2. Limit Contact if Necessary

If setting boundaries is not helping maintain a distance.  Agreed, you cannot break ties with them and stop caring for them, but if the relationship is too damaging, you can reduce contact. At first glance, it might not look like something you can or want to do, but it is for your well-being.

This can be a no-contact period to focus on healing and self-care.

3. Build a Support System

Parents are the support system, but when they are hurting you, then it is up to you to surround yourself with people who uplift, support, and validate your experiences.

Have a circle of friends, mentors, support groups, or online communities with whom you can share things and trust.

4. Practice Self-Care and Self-Compassion

It doesn’t matter if your parents don’t care about you. If they aren’t doing what you expect from them, then you do something for yourself. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and happiness, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. You don’t need to seek their validation or always feel the lack of love that they did not give. Their treatment doesn’t determine your worth. You are worth all the love and care in this world.

5. Educate Yourself

Learn about emotional abuse, its effects, and recovery strategies through books, articles, or support groups. Understand the dynamics of abuse and make yourself strong enough to heal. Make informed decisions about your healing journey.

6. Seek Professional Help

If the emotional scars are interfering with your growth, then it is time to seek therapy. It can provide a safe space to process feelings and develop coping mechanisms. Connect with therapists specializing in trauma or family dynamics to address the unique challenges of parental abuse.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. Is it OK to Cut off Toxic Parents?

Yes! Toxic parents can cause you to experience psychological, emotional, physical, and social distress. Healthy boundaries in a family relationship are important, even if it means cutting toxic parents and relationships out.

2. Why do Abusive Parents Deny?

Abusive parents, more often than not, have a “reason” for their actions, and as a trait, they never acknowledge that they are wrong. If confronted, the abusive parent will view themselves as a victim. Behind the web of their manipulation, criticism, and harsh words lies denial.

3. Why do I Minimize the Abuse?

A person minimizes the abuse because, for many, minimizing is a coping mechanism to get through the pain of the abuse. For some, though, they minimize their abuse because they want to believe their abuser still loves them – especially if it’s a parent. Others might minimize their abuse because their abuser does.

A Word From CalmSage

Abuse of either kind – from parents, spouses, or friends – is not okay, and no one should be subjected to it specifically by a parent. Parents should love us unconditionally, and we shouldn’t feel we must earn that love and care.

No one – even your parents – has the authority to undermine and demean you. You are strong enough on your own. If you are a victim of emotional abuse, I’d suggest that you contact a licensed therapist to help you break the cycle.

I hope the above-mentioned signs of emotional abuse from parents helped. You can write to us at info@calmsage.com or DM us on social media. You can also share tips to deal with an emotionally abusive father or mother in the comments section below.

“If the family you chose before your birth no longer supports your path towards fulfilling your true destiny, it is never too late to find a new tribe.” – Anthon St. Maarten.

Take Care and Stay Safe.