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Relationship
Swarnakshi Sharma November 19th, 2024 · 10min read

Are You Begging For Attention From Your Partner? | Signs And What To Do

We all crave love and attention, especially from our partners but when this craving for love and attention borders on obsession, then it could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic or attachment. Also, when you fail to get your partner’s attention, you may feel rejected, hurt, angry, and frustrated.

In a relationship, it’s important to recognize that each partner feels seen, heard, and loved. However, there can be differences in expectations in every relationship. This means that while one partner may develop an attachment with the other quite soon, the other partner may take a little more time to get there.

No matter what your circumstances are, you need to remember that craving attention is one thing but begging for attention from your partner is quite another.

In this article, we’re exploring the signs you’re begging for love, how it impacts your relationship, and what you can do to improve your relationship.

12 Signs You’re Begging For Attention

1. You Are Always “Available”

Even if you’re busy, you’re always available for your partner. Or seem like it. Whenever they call on you, you’re there. Be it their physical needs, emotional needs, or mental needs, you’re always available to help them.

2. You Feel You’re Not Good Enough

There’s a constant itch in the back of your mind that no matter what you do, you’re never good enough for your partner, and they will find a better person one day, leaving you behind.

3. There’s No “You” Without Your Partner

If you have become too used to restructuring your life around your partner or if your decisions are based on your partner’s needs, then it’s a sign you’re begging for attention from your partner.

4. You Are Insecure

You’re always keeping tabs on your partner and want to know what they are doing all the time. You’re insecure in the relationship and can’t differentiate between love and fear anymore.

5. You Engage In An Overdose Of Affection

It’s good to show that you love your partner but when you begin to shower an overdose of affection on your partner, then it could be a sign you are begging for attention from your partner. You do this so that your partner does not leave for the lack of affection.

6. You Avoid Conflicts

Conflicts in relationships are normal but when you avoid all conflicts and arguments just to keep the peace in the relationship, it’s another sign you shouldn’t ignore. Every time a conflict arises, you apologize first just to keep your partner from leaving.

7. You Remember Every Detail In The Relationship

Another sign that you’re begging for attention is when you keep in mind every little detail about the relationship. If you keep doing this even when your partner does not appreciate it, then it’s a sign you’re begging for affection.

8.  You always initiate conversations:

If you’re someone who constantly reaches out to your partner, makes plans, or tries to know them better, it can be quite clear that you’re trying to lead the relationship, but it can be a sign of undervalued and ignored in the relationship.

9. You constantly or excessively seek reassurance:

While seeking reassurance in a balanced way can be normal, constantly asking your partner the same questions might lead to irritability and show you as needy in the relationship.

10. You get upset by the lack of responses:

You constantly juggle with a lot of answers from your partner, and when you’re not able to receive them properly, you get upset by the lack of responses. Communication is the key to a happy relationship, and not being able to receive your answer makes you even more upset.

11. You often act clingy to seek attention:

In order to get proper attention from our partners, we often act clingy or needy which can be a clear sign of insecurity, resentment, and jealousy. Such acts of desperation can be a sign of begging for attention from your partner.

12. You often feel insecure or anxious about your relationship:

Feeling jealous, anxious, or insecure in a relationship can stem from a red flag and might show you negatively. Such issues can be rooted in various problems such as attachment styles, negative experiences, or traumas.

Why Do You Feel This Way?

Many factors can drive you to act this way. Here are some of the most common ones;

1. Taken For Granted

In a relationship, if one partner takes the other for granted, then it could topple the dynamic of the relationship. If the relationship is taken for granted, then it could make you act in ways that make you keep begging for attention.

2. There Are Different Expectations

In long-term relationships, there’s no constant need for attention, but when there are different expectations, for example, one partner requires more attention than the other – it can manifest in unhealthy ways.

3. There’s An Underlying Fear

Another factor that can make you beg for attention is that you have an underlying fear. You fear that if you don’t give or receive constant attention, then that means that your partner is going to leave you. This fear can turn into an unhealthy attachment, if not addressed.

How Does This Impact You And Your Relationship?

Begging for attention from your partner does not only harm your relationship dynamic but also leaves a great impact on your mental health. To maintain strong mental health, you need to feel seen, heard, and validated, especially by the person you love most in the world, however, when you don’t get that attention, it can make you feel rejected and leave you feeling that you are not good enough.

You might begin to take your partner’s behavior personally and assume that you’ve done something wrong. You may begin to look for issues within yourself, making you think that if you can fix yourself then you can have more of your partner’s attention and love.

This may make you think that you need to change your behavior or something about you that will make you receive more attention. This kind of thinking lowers your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-image.

When you beg for attention from your partner, it can start a domino effect that can eventually poison your relationship. When you fail to beg attention, this pleading and not having your needs met can add up and make you feel that you’re not loved or are lonely in the relationship.

You don’t feel seen or heard by your partner and feel rejected. As this feeling grows, you begin to open yourself less and less in front of your partner, keeping to yourself. And as the isolation grows, you become more aggressive and resentful which shows in your interactions with your partner.

What To Do When You Feel This Way?

1. Stop Begging For Attention:

It’s OK to be vulnerable, but you need to stop begging for attention from your partner. Not only is it ineffective, but it also affects your self-worth and self-esteem. Seeking attention from your partner might make you feel good, but it’s only temporary.

2. Focus On Yourself:

Try to focus your attention on yourself by doing what you Join a class or a club, pick up a new hobby, or do anything you like that makes you feel fulfilled. Instead of taking care of your partner’s needs, it’s time to give yourself some time and attention.

3. Stop Controlling Your Partner:

When you don’t get the attention, you’re begging your partner for, it may make you resort to controlling your partner. Instead of doing that, focus on what you can Spoiler alert! It’s You!

4. Look At Your Behavior:

See the behaviors in which that have made you more critical towards your partner. See those behaviors, and try to change them.

5. Ask For Your Partner’s Needs:

Instead of begging for attention from your partner, ask them what they want from you. Maybe they have a reason for being distant and maybe it’s not you. Try to ask, instead of imposing your needs on them.

6. Communication Is Important:

Again, instead of begging for attention, make sure you communicate your needs as honestly and bravely as you can. It’s important to know if you and your partner are on the same page.

7. Seek Help:

If you feel that your situation is not changing or improving, then you can seek a counselor’s help in addressing your unhealthy behaviors. A counselor can help you identify the negative patterns and help you learn how to communicate positively with your partner.

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Frequently Asked Questions

  • Is it ADHD or attention-seeking?

It can be difficult to identify if the attention-seeking behaviors are a result of ADHD. Attention-seeking and ADHD might look similar in a relationship but the fact is they are caused by different causes. Along with attention-seeking, ADHD in relationships revolves around unintentional behaviors, impulsivity, forgetfulness, and stimulation-seeking. If attention-seeking in a relationship is followed by other signs of ADHD as well, it is advised to connect with a mental health professional for proper diagnosis.

  • What childhood trauma causes attention-seeking?

Unmet emotional needs, neglect, emotional invalidations, inconsistent parenting styles, abandonment or loss, abuse (physical, sexual, or emotional), and overparenting or excessive parenting can cause attention-seeking in the relationship in adulthood.

  • Is attention-seeking a coping mechanism?

Yes, attention-seeking can be a coping mechanism, it can help people address childhood’s unmet emotional needs, lack of validation, or feelings of insecurity. Apart from this, it can also help people fill emotional voids, validation, control, avoidance of deeper issues, and attachment issues.

Final Thoughts

Love and attention are something that we all desire from our respective partners but when we fail to get their attention, many of us might resort to begging for our partner’s attention. When these behaviors and expectations for attention are unmet, it could lead to low self-esteem and poor self-image.

Not only this, but it can also affect your relationship, leading to frequent arguments and even loneliness in the relationship.

If you’re constantly begging for attention from your partner, it’s important to understand the signs and reasons. When you’re aware of your signs and reasons, it can help you break the unhealthy cycle and improve your relationship dynamic.

If the step mentioned above doesn’t help you, then you can reach out to a professional counselor and seek their help and support.

I hope this article helped you. For more, you can write to us at info@calmsage.com or DM us on social media. You can also share your thoughts and tips with us in the comments section below.

Take Care!

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