I Hate Being A Mom: What To Do? (Penned By A Mother)

I was raised by a strong mother; I really don’t know how she managed to put everything in order while handling two children altogether! She is indeed a great woman! Of course, mothers are our wonder women because they are the only ones who can handle our tantrums!

I am a mother of an 18 months old girl and sometimes I lose my temper too! Despite knowing really great examples about mothers and despite reading so many motivational and self-help books on parenting, I sometimes feel guilty as a mother or a parent and this feeling often results in “I hate being a mom.” I tried talking to my mother and I asked her directly, “How do you feel being a mom,” shockingly she had a great smile on her face and replied, “Certainly I don’t, but still motherhood is a great feeling.”

I was worried that I wouldn’t fit into the job of motherhood, and the guilt made me depressed. I did experience postpartum depression but I really felt better after that I suddenly could not figure it out! While other moms seem to be happy, inside out they also suffer the same thing. In this blog, let’s answer the mother’s guilt that makes us feel “I hate being a mom.”

Acknowledging the issues: Is It Okay To Hate Being A Mom?

A mother is a 24*7 caretaker of a child and it can often make a mother overwhelmed, guilty or depressed to become a better mom. The societal pressure, fear of failure, caring regularly, and feeling unappreciated can make a mom feel depressed which often leads to feeling “I hate being a mom all the time.”

Yes, mothers need personal space too, they want some time to figure it out, to take rest without wondering how their child is doing, they need someone to support them. Mostly, this guilt is experienced by “stay-at-home moms” who juggle their feelings due to a lack of support.

Such exhaustion can make them question their abilities or even their motherhood. Despite feeling exhausted, we still love our children unconditionally while we battle with our inner demons. If you are a mom and you are not able to find hope or joy while taking care of your children, it may be time to explore your feelings and focus on your mental health.

Know that you’re not alone and we all feel the same at some point in our lives. It’s time to assess the situation and take the point of things that bothers us or need improvement so that we can jot down the help or resources we need.

The fact is that you are not alone and pretty much we all are sailing in the same boat, therefore, feelings like “I hate being a mom” can be normal but unfortunately, they can develop into more serious mental health issues if you’ll not keep an eye on yourself. Below-listed are some signs to be taken care of by a professional mental health provider: 

• Excessive anxiety, paranoia, or worry
• Extreme mood swings 
• Long-lasting sadness or irritability 
• Major changes in eating or sleeping 
• Social withdrawal 

Why do we often feel like- “I hate being a mom”?

There could be multiple reasons behind why you are not feeling happy as a mom or why you hate being a mom sometimes, such as:

1.Fatigue or exhaustion

Taking care of children along with home chores, jobs, and other important work often make us feel tired which worsens with time. Lack of rest or sleep directly affects the functioning of the brain and can result in minor depression if not handled on time.

Getting proper sleep is tricky with infants, however, with the help of a positive routine, scheduled naps, and bedtime fading you can really work on exhaustion or fatigue. Studies show that restorative sleep can help in the healthy functioning of the brain.

2.Relationship problems

Added stress, daily pressures, and home chores can make your life more complicated. The added stress directly impacts professional and personal life specifically on an intimate relationship. It’s a fact that when we take care of a child 24*7, we are not able to focus on our partner’s needs. If you’re a single parent or co-parent, it might be more difficult for you to overcome the everyday stress that comes along.

In such cases, feelings such as “I hate being a parent” also rises, herein, you can connect with your counselor or professional to learn ways to effectively take care of your child while co-parenting or single parenting.

3.Lack of purpose or self-identity

I know you’re doing it all, you’re trying new activities to make your children learn new things but in the middle of all this chaos, somewhere you might be missing your job, spending time with friends, leading projects, or regular workout sessions. If you just delivered a baby or are raising toddlers, you might be feeling a lack of purpose or self-identity right now. For example, you might be missing traveling mindfully right now or having a hard time meeting your life or career goals.

4.Societal pressure

Moms are running in the race of “perfectionism” while perfectionism resides in a rested, positive, strong, and carefree mom. The world has put false societal pressures in front of us which are not only difficult to achieve regularly but also impact our mental health indirectly. You might be stuck in myths and facts of positive parenting which are not only harming your mental state but also harming your child’s development.

Such feelings lead to “I hate being a parent” or “I hate being a mom” because there’s a constant pressure to be a perfect mom from a society that makes us work harder but somewhere we forget to be kind to ourselves and our children. It’s time to understand your mental health needs and your child’s development needs to allow yourself to raise children mindfully.

5.Challenging situations

There are some challenging situations that make us feel like we are bad as moms. For example, I am a full-time writer, continuing my studies, and taking care of a baby…. sometimes this chaos in my life and not being able to do everything every time perfectly not only makes me depressed but also makes me feel like a failure. If you’re a “stay-at-home mom”, I bow down to you because being available to your children 24*7 and handling multiple tasks at the same time is a big task!

6.Lack of support

It’s a fact that with proper support we can move mountains, but when we lack the support of a partner, family member, or relative, we get prone to common and regular mental health issues like stress, anxiety, and mood swings which are progressing in nature. Out of all support, a partner’s or a family member’s support is much needed because they are the ones, we can look for support and understanding.

What to do when you hate being a mother?

Here’s what you can do when you feel like “I hate being a mom”:

1.Acknowledge your emotions

If you’re constantly juggling with the mom guilt or hatred related to being a mom, you can begin the healing process by acknowledging your emotions, writing them down on a paper, and learning about your emotions. Clearly, life with children should not be painful as we all aim to raise warriors and our children learn from our footmarks. Be honest with yourself and start labelling your emotions to process your feelings, it will allow you to feel better.

2.Focus on achieving the flow

Let go of perfection, instead try to become a happy, positive, and well-rested mom so that you can raise healthy children and preserve your mental health for good. For example, it’s completely okay to be a messy mom, allow your children digital devices for some time, or feed unhealthy snacks to your children sometimes. Allow yourself to take some rest, let your children learn from mistakes, and work on your needs.

3.Be kind to yourself

Throughout the process, be gentle to yourself and your kids. If you’re a new mom, allow yourself to learn things, behaviors, and developmental needs of your children, and do not put yourself into guilt especially when things are not under your control. Be mindful, focus on self-care, seek “me-time”, and embrace the imperfections.

4.Seek support

If you don’t like asking others for help, you can ask for support from a professional who will help you to raise children positively and also help you learn effective and healthy strategies to improve your mental health. Online therapy can be a great medium to seek benefits while sitting from home. Through online therapy modes, you can text your counselor anytime to get help right away. To connect with a mental health professional from BetterHelp, click below:

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Key Takeaways:

Quick self-help techniques to overcome mother guilt

Below are some quick and effective self-help tips to deal with guilt of being a mom:

• Seek “me-time” whenever you feel exhausted
• Maintain a mood-o-meter to keep track of your feelings
• Try instant stress-relieving techniques to overcome stress and anxiety
• Talk to your partner about your feelings and emotions
• Seek guidance and support from other family members, relatives, or friends
• Create a group of moms to share your feelings

Quick support options to overcome mother guilt

Below are some quick and effective options to deal with the guilt of “I hate being a mom” or “I hate being a parent”:

• Parenting support groups
• Online applications for postpartum depression
• Consulting with your primary physician
• Join yoga or meditation classes

I hope this blog helps you with “What to do when you hate being a mother” or when you feel “I don’t like being a mom.”

Comment down and share your stories with us to motivate other moms around the world. Let’s unite and improve mothers’ mental health together. For more information, connect with us through social media platforms.

Share this blog with your mom’s friends to acknowledge or overcome feelings such as “I hate being a mom” and tell them they’re not alone!

Thanks for reading!