Published In
Self Help
How To Stop Your Fear of Being Judged Hold You Back
Judging others and being judged has become an inevitable part of our life. Whether you are swiping through your phone or out shopping, you are always evaluating those around you on different parameters. While making opinions and judgments about others does not bother us but its flip side is that when we get to be judged by others it holds us back.
Are you not wearing that outfit because you are contemplating what others will think of you?
Or
Are you still thinking of giving up on your favorite hobby because you are facing constant judgments for your choice?
Or
Is the fear of being judged holding you back from doing your best?
If you responded YES to any of these questions then you have just landed at the right place!
When people around us start judging us, we start doubting our capabilities, lose the vision of our true potential, and dwell in the overthinking loop. This in turn makes us fearful of being judged. Those gazes, those whispers, and those opinions lead to fear of being judged.
So today we are going to discuss how you overcome this fear of being judged by others.
The True Story: People are going to judge you anyway because you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. So, just decide what you want to do and work on yourself instead of trying to be someone else’s cup of tea.
What is The Psychology Behind Fear of Being Judged:
Have you ever wondered, why do we even give the authority to someone else to judge us in the first place and allow us to impact us on the other? Well, the answer is pretty simple! It is an outcome of our need to feel belonged! We humans desire to maintain positive and lasting relationships with others.
That is why to nurture our relationship with others we allow them to form judgments about us. This in turn makes us feel anxious which is further perceived by our body as a threat to our belongingness. That is why we experience fear of being judged.
To simplify it, we have a need to feel belonging, and when the people we are connected to judge us we experience a threat to this need making us feel fearful.
Am I Experiencing Fear of Being Judged By Others?
Now that is an important question to ask yourself before you continue further! To find out that if the fear of being judged holds you back, just ask yourself these questions:
Q.1. Do you often feel insecure talking about your life?
Q.2. Are you worried if others are questioning you for the choices you make?
Q.3. Have you felt not being good enough in the eyes of others?
Q.4. Are you doubting where you are placed right now because of other people’s opinions?
If you can relate to some or all of these questions then there is a fair chance of you experiencing fear of judgment. Don’t worry you can work on this fear of yours and get going in your life. Let us find out ways to overcome the fear of judgment.
How to Let Go of Fear of Judgement:
Being judged can be debilitating both creatively and spiritually. That is why it becomes to let go of the fear of judgment and protect our overall wellness. Here are some doable ways for you to make it work:
1. Stop Giving The Power To Others
Let us Do a Small Activity:
Imagine you are sitting in a room full of people. Now there is a spotlight running over everyone, the deal is that the person on whom the spotlight stops has to share the deepest and darkest secret. And it stops on you! What emotions is it likely to trigger? Fear of being judged?
Now imagine that person on whom the spotlight stops will get a cash price of $500. This time the spotlight again stops at you. How do you feel about that? Happy and excited?
Did you notice how you gave the power to a spotlight to decide how you feel? Similarly, we give them the power to people around us to decide how we should be feeling.
That is why their opinions and judgment ignite fear in us. So to begin with stop giving power to others to decide how you should be feeling and going about your life.
2. Be Your Own Judge
How about taking the title of the judge from others and owning it? Sounds like a plan to me! To be your own judge make these three self practices a part of your life:
Self-love: Show yourself love to cut through the harsh judgments.
Self-reflect: Reflect on your life to find out how well you are doing, what are your problematic areas, and how you can work through them.
Self-validate: Look for self-approval instead of seeking approval from others.
3. Befriend Your Inner Critic
We often let those stares and whispers of judgment weigh us down. To make it even worse we allow them to trigger our self-criticism system. And with the same thoughts of being judged running in a loop in our head, our self-criticism goes on shifting more towards the negative edge, welcoming overwhelming emotions and overthinking.
That is why we should befriend our inner critic and make it work in our favor rather than letting it fight against our peace of mind. The two of my favorite ways to overcome the fear of being judged by befriending your inner critic are: practicing self-compassion and becoming your own friend.
Watch our full webinar on befriending your inner critic here. Do leave a comment if it helps you in any which way possible.
4. Do More For Yourself
Disclaimer: I am not asking you to be selfish or self-centered here. So what is this all about?
When I say do more for yourself I mean that you should be investing in who you are becoming rather than people’s idea of who you used to be. I am sharing a 3 step process for you that will help you here:
Step 1: Make a list of your strengths and limitations. This will help you reconsider if these judgments are not true.
Step 2: Make yourself a priority. Instead of making what others have to tell you about your life, think of what you want to work on. Make it a priority and work on things that matter to you the most.
Step 3: Invest in yourself. Do what you enjoy more and invest your energy in the same. This will save you from investing your efforts in processing judgments by others.
5. Give A Pause to Personalizing Things
Listen to everybody, their feedback does matter! You may even take a note of what they have to say about you. But while doing so remember at the back of your head that what they say does not determine who you truly are. You may of course take their words as something to reflect on and work on them as your path to growth.
However, hooking your happiness to the words of others is what you should be avoiding. Tell yourself it is mere feedback that does not define you! And keep on repeating it till the time you feel detached from others’ words.
6. Other Little Steps For Rescue
Apart from the tools that we have discussed above, here are some important reminders cum ideas that can help you get over the fear of being judged by others.
1. Switch your perspective: Every time you will step out of the norms to do things differently, you will be judged. So instead of suffering from overthinking consider it a sign of your growth & courage.
2. Shake off the responsibility: Understand that it is not your job to manage others’ perceptions of you. Your job is to be the most lit-up version of yourself.
3. Choose your panel of judges: Make a list of 3-5 people who you can trust and allow you to give you thoughtful feedback. Seek their opinion when needed and leave the rest of it out.
4. Chant a mantra: Create a mantra of your own and every time you feel being harshly judged repeat it yourself till the time you feel better. Say to yourself: “I am doing my best” “It is constructive feedback” “I am working on it.” You can also create a mantra of your own that empowers you.
Now next time when the fear of being judged crawls toward you pick one of these tools and put them to play. Start practicing these ways to stop feeling fear of being judged.
Time to let go of judgment and experience your true love!
Do share your experience of letting go of judgments with us in the comments section.
Good Luck!