Published In
Wellness Guide
Are You Self-Gaslighting? Spot The Signs And Learn How To Stop Self-Gaslighting
You’ve had a big fight with your sibling and they’ve said some hurtful things and yet you believe that you’ve overreacted or made a big deal simply out of nothing. Well, if you can relate to this, then you can jot it down to self-gaslighting.
We know what gaslighting is but let’s recap. Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt and question your judgment and reality. It’s when someone else invalidates your feelings and emotions.
When I say, self-gaslighting, it’s when you do all the above to yourself. Self-gaslighting is when you disregard and invalidate your feelings yourself, it’s when you convince yourself that you may have overreacted.
Self-gaslighting means invalidating your emotions and doubting your judgment. It’s a form of emotional abuse, the kind that can make you question your thoughts, feelings, and even your mental health.
Yes, self-gaslighting is real and can often lead you to develop self-doubt and poor self-confidence. In this article, let’s learn how to spot self-gaslighting and how to stop this self-destructive behavior.
How To Spot Self-Gaslighting?
One of the signs of self-gaslighting is self-invalidation or minimizing your feelings and emotions. This invalidation of your feelings can manifest as dialing down hurt you’re experiencing. For example, you may just dismiss your feelings as being “too sensitive” or being “overdramatic”.
Another way to spot self-gaslighting is when you begin to constantly doubt yourself. When you have self-doubt, you may not be sure who is wrong or who was wrong in the first place. For example, you may ask yourself, “Am I misremembering the events?” or “Maybe I am wrong”.
Signs Of Self-Gaslighting
Other signs that can help you spot self-gaslighting can include:
1. Your Inner Critic Is Loud
When gaslighting yourself, it’s pretty common to tell yourself that others have it much worse than you. When you think this, your inner critic raises its voice and criticizes your every step. You begin to compare yourself and your experiences with others and criticize yourself when they don’t match.
2. You Lack Trust In Yourself
Self-gaslighting constantly can also make you lose trust in yourself and question your reality. When you constantly lie to yourself, you begin to doubt the reality and can find it harder to distinguish what happened from what you think happened.
3. You Doubt Your Self-Worth
Constant criticism from yourself can come at the price of losing your self-worth. Negative self-talk, you start to question yourself and what you deserve. Even if you’re deserving of an accomplishment, you’ll begin to doubt yourself and eventually minimize its importance. This will make you hesitant to pursue good opportunities.
4. You Constantly Seek External Validation
Self-gaslighting, as I mentioned before, can make you self-doubt not only your thoughts but your actions as well. When you’re constantly self-gaslighting, you can find yourself seeking external validation and constant reassurance from others.
5. You Engage In Self-Sabotage
Gaslighting can make you question your reality, your desires, and your thoughts. Self-gaslighting can make you lose confidence in your abilities and can prevent you from changing your life for good. When you constantly doubt yourself, you begin to engage in small, unnoticeable self-destructive or self-sabotaging behaviors.
How To Stop Self-Gaslighting?
The first thing to do if you’re self-gaslighting is to seek professional help. A therapist can help you explore the negative self-evaluation and the negative thoughts you’ve internalized. Healing from gaslighting yourself is challenging as you’re always the first one to disregard your emotions and recovering without professional support can feel like fighting yourself every step of the way.
With a therapist’s help, you can learn to explore your internal thoughts and feelings and begin to develop trust in yourself.
Other things you can do to stop self-gaslighting can include:
1. Identify And Acknowledge Your Behavior
To stop and heal from self-gaslighting, you need to first acknowledge the behavior as troublesome. Identify that you have a problem and accept that you’re minimizing your feelings when you shouldn’t.
2. Develop Positive Inner Talk
Another most important step when it comes to stopping self-gaslighting is to validate yourself. You need to develop positive self-talk and challenge the default narrative. You can try to repeat affirmations such as, “My emotions are real and valid. I have the right to express myself.”
3. Journal Your Emotions
Journaling your emotions can be another great way to combat self-gaslighting behavior. Whenever you feel or think something, write it down without any judgment. This activity can help validate your emotions and can also help you better understand your emotions.
4. Self-Awareness Is Key
This is an important step if you’re looking to stop self-gaslighting. Being emotionally aware can help bring clarity to your thoughts and can help you regain the lost trust in yourself. The more you’re aware of your emotional identity, the more you’ll be able to accept your emotions.
5. Learn To Ground Yourself
Another way to stop self-gaslighting is to ground yourself. Grounding can help you feel the emotions and get back to reality. You can practice grounding by mindfulness meditation, journaling, taking a walk in nature (I prefer a barefoot walk), or dancing your worries away!
Trust me, you’re not alone in this.
Self-gaslighting is a real and common psychological and emotional abuse that can make you doubt yourself, your feelings, your emotions, and your reality. It can make you believe something is true when it’s not.
Remember that self-care is not selfish. If you begin to doubt yourself and notice that you’re minimizing your emotions, take the time out to be with yourself and care for yourself.
When you begin self-gaslighting, ask yourself what prompted you to act this way and how can you fix it. Acknowledging your emotions – good or bad – is not wrong. Your emotions, whatever you’re feeling, are valid and accepted.
If your internal dialogue is still chaotic, remember to be patient and kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would comfort a friend in need.
I hope this blog will help you understand how to spot self-gaslighting and how to stop this self-destructive behavior. If you need to connect with a professional, you can click the link below to sign up with BetterHelp*.
You can also drop us an email at info@calmsage.com or DM us on our social media. We’re here to help you!
Let me know what you think of self-gaslighting or if you have ever experienced the above signs of self-gaslighting before in the comments below.
Take Care!
*As a BetterHelp Affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp or other sources if you purchase products or services through the links provided on this page.