Foreboding Joy Explained: How to Overcome Fear of Happiness

Who doesn’t want to experience happiness? Joy is a feeling so precious to us that for many, it’s the ultimate life achievement. But what happens when moments of joy are overshadowed by fear or dread? If you’ve ever thought, “If I’m happy now, what if something bad happens?”, then you’ve encountered what’s known as foreboding joy.

Foreboding joy occurs when happiness feels too good to be true, leaving you bracing for the worst. Let’s explore what foreboding joy means, how it impacts mental health, and actionable steps to overcome this subtle fear of happiness.

What Does Foreboding Joy Mean? (With Examples)

Foreboding joy is a term we can use to describe the feeling we get when moments of joy are immediately accompanied by thoughts of anxiety, worry, or dread, making us wonder, “What if…” These thoughts are often negative.

Coined by researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown, foreboding joy can also explain the feeling of “impending doom” that makes you think something bad will happen once you truly allow yourself to experience joy. 

Many people confuse foreboding joy with cherophobia, the fear of happiness, but foreboding joy is more about you feeling happy but also worried and convinced that something awful will happen.

Foreboding joy can be experienced in almost all major areas of your life. Here are some examples of foreboding joy to help you understand this term better;

• At home, you may have just bought a new couch for the living room, feeling happy and relaxed, but a foreboding thought would follow it, “My children will immediately run around, and it will be ruined again.”
• You may have just received a promotion at work, but the feeling of happiness will be overshadowed by a foreboding thought, “What if I can’t live up to the new expectations? Will I fail?”

The Impact of Foreboding Joy on Mental Health

Joy is a fleeting emotion that activates “happy hormones” like dopamine and serotonin, improving mood and overall well-being. However, when joy is overshadowed by dread:

• Catastrophizing: You may dwell on worst-case scenarios, draining the happiness from positive moments.
• Increased Anxiety: Constantly bracing for something bad to happen can heighten stress levels.
• Reduced Gratitude: Fear can make it harder to appreciate life’s blessings, leading to dissatisfaction.

Learning to manage foreboding joy is key to breaking this cycle and embracing the full spectrum of positive emotions. Catastrophizing, or dwelling on worst-case scenarios, has been shown to exacerbate anxiety during moments of happiness, as highlighted by Sullivan et al. (1995).

Foreboding Joy vs. Cherophobia: The Difference

As stated before, people confuse cherophobia and foreboding joy with each other. Cherophobia is a specific phobia that causes irrational fear and anxiety, but foreboding joy isn’t a condition that causes intense fear and anxiety. It’s more like a habit that you have adopted, while cherophobia is a diagnosable condition.

However, if foreboding joy stops you from seeking happiness and even interrupts moments with anxious thoughts, it could be a sign of cherophobia. If you fear this, seeking a professional diagnosis might be a good option.

When Joy Feels Scary: The Effects

Joy is an emotion that goes beyond happiness. It’s a positive emotion that can share the space with enthusiasm, optimism, hope, and contentment. Experiencing joy comes with its own mental health benefits, namely a mood boost. Joy is related to the increase or activation of our happy hormones. However, experiencing foreboding joy can dispel all that and replace it with a sense of anxiety, fear, and worry (if not all).

Joy, as an emotion, is fleeting. The anxiety we experience in foreboding joy can lead to catastrophizing – a condition where you often ask yourself the “what if” questions and think about the worst-case scenarios almost exclusively. Catastrophizing in itself can be harmful to our mental health and positive self-talk.

Why Do We Experience Foreboding Joy?

Foreboding joy often arises from:

• Past Trauma: Negative experiences following happiness can condition you to associate joy with impending loss.
• Perfectionism: The belief that happiness must be earned or comes with a catch.
• Fear of Vulnerability: Joy requires openness, which can feel risky for those who fear emotional exposure.

Dr. Brené Brown emphasizes that vulnerability is essential for joy, stating, “To love and feel joy is to be vulnerable. To feel joy is one of the most vulnerable emotions we experience.”

Past traumatic experiences can lead individuals to associate joy with vulnerability, as explored in Van der Kolk’s (2014) seminal work on trauma and emotional responses

How to Overcome Foreboding Joy?

1. Practice Gratitude Every Day

Well, the one thing you can do to counter foreboding joy is to practice gratitude daily. You don’t have to think of grand gestures of gratitude; even small moments of thankfulness can do the trick. Just write down a list of things you’re grateful for, as this can be the first step in helping you acknowledge the positivity in your life and celebrate small victories.

As suggested by Kabat-Zinn (1990), can help individuals stay grounded in the present, reducing the anxious thoughts associated with foreboding joy

2. Work on Your Self-Awareness

To overcome and fight foreboding joy, you need to know when you’re experiencing it and how to stop the anxious thoughts in the mind. Self-awareness is key here. Try to notice when you’re about to spiral out of control and distract yourself. You can also try mindfulness – a practice to stay grounded in the present moment without being judgmental of your thoughts.

3. Build Your Resilience

Another thing you can do is build resilience. It’s OK to feel uncomfortable and distressed, but whenever you use joy as a defense against stress and despair, you can bring moments of hope rather than anxiety. Whenever questions such as “What if something bad happens?” emerge, try to challenge yourself to think about something positive and move those thoughts aside.

4. Count Your Blessings

This is another form of thankfulness you can use to counter foreboding joy. When joy feels scary, think about your blessings and ignore the negative thoughts. If something bad happens to someone else, you can’t stop them from celebrating your present moment. Ignoring your blessings and victories can never work in your favor. So, start focusing on them instead of ignoring them.

A Word from a CalmSage

Foreboding joy is often a defense mechanism to protect yourself from disappointment. However, letting fear rob you of happiness can prevent you from fully living.

Embrace vulnerability, practice gratitude, and focus on celebrating the small wins in life. Overcoming foreboding joy takes effort, but with mindfulness and self-awareness, you can learn to let joy take center stage in your life.

We hope this guide has helped you understand foreboding joy and how to manage it. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—we’d love to hear from you!