How to Leave a Financially Dependent Toxic Relationship

Are you stuck in a financially dependent, toxic, and abusive relationship and want to get out of it? Well, if this is what you want, no one can stop you from moving out of this unequal and toxic relationship. Whether you earn nothing or only a small amount that can cover your basic needs, you deserve to be treated with respect.

Being the lesser earner in a relationship might put you at a disadvantage, but this doesn’t mean your partner can treat you however they want. Here, we will explain certain tips that will help you part ways with the narcissistic person and the abuse.

Do you know Financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. According to Survivors, worry over their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children is one of the top reasons given for staying in or returning to an abusive partner

Note – Even if you are in a happy relationship and realize you are financially dependent, take the opportunity and make some changes to become financially independent.

Signs You are in a Financially Abusive Relationship

1. Career choices are forced onto you

Usually, in a financially abusive relationship, the woman is forced to take a career path that will keep them from growing and becoming financially strong or independent. In some cases, they will be asked to stay home, or only after permission from their spouse will they be able to do part-time jobs.  If they are lucky, they might get permission to work full-time.

Still, their better half will always try to sabotage their career by making them stay home or overburden them with household responsibilities. Also, they might ask the woman to quit the job. All this is done so they don’t have the power because money = power.

If she leaves the job, she will no longer be financially independent. This means that everything will depend on the partner, and they will be unable to leave the relationship as they don’t have money.

2. Every Spent Penny is Tracked

Every penny given to the woman and spent is tracked. She is accountable for it. If a penny goes unaccounted for, there might be emotional and physical abuse. This may be getting less money to fulfill basic needs or begging for money.

The feeling of this happening brings chills to women; hence, they are forced to stick to the rules or suffer severe consequences. Imagine being locked in a room with nothing to eat or drink and unable to get necessities.

3. No bank accounts

When a woman is in a financially dependent relationship with a narcissist, they are not allowed to open a bank account or have any cards. Even if they have an account, they cannot check or access it. All the money they get should come from their spouse.

This puts women in a position where they entirely rely on their partners for everything. She cannot work. If she works, she needs to give her paycheck to the husband, and he puts it into an account that the female is unaware of.

4. Fear there will be no financial support

This is one of the undisguised forms of financial abuse. The partner threatens the female, saying they will leave them without any financial support and they will have to live on their own.

As they know, the woman can’t financially support herself, so they get the upper hand and control the partner. This is why the females always keep their feelings and things to themselves as they fear that without their partner, they will not survive as they will have no money.

5. Will be forced to work

This is when the woman is forced to work as the husband doesn’t want to. The catch here is that even though she earns, she can’t keep the money. She will have to give it to her partner, and he is the one controlling the finances.

Also, she will have to take care of all the household chores, perform all her duties as a wife, and work but can’t keep the money. As all bills and everything else will be in her name, she will be indirectly forced to work harder so that she can pay the dues.

6. Forced family

In this situation, the woman gives birth to a child each year, ensuring she is never able to work again. Depending on the conditions, now, her life should be about taking care of her family and the child. She can’t return to work as if she does, who will care for the child? Her life is now all about caring for her partner and her children and being dependent on her partner for financial aid and survival.

7 Ways to Leave the Relationship When You have No Money

Living with a narcissistic partner seems impossible, but you still stick around as you are not financially strong. Here are certain things that you can do and leave them:

1. Acknowledge you are not happy

If you feel trapped and want to move out, nothing is wrong with it. Stop feeling guilty about thinking about yourself for once. Do not let your kids, age, or financial situation weigh you down. You know that you have to leave, and that is enough. If you keep thinking there is no exit strategy, and you will only move out when it is in place, you will not be able to take the step.

Make a decision and work on it. This will exude confidence in you, and you will be able to do things you never thought possible. As you build a healthy relationship with yourself and identify yourself as a person, you will believe that you can earn and no longer need to rely on a person for finances.

2. Start a side hustle or find a job

If you have the qualifications and experience to get a job, dust off your resume and start looking for a job. You might have to explain the reason for the gap in employment. Keep it short; tell them you took a break to look after your family or wanted some time to settle things. Focus on getting the job and then on whether you will work under a fresher or someone your junior once upon a time.

However, if you decide to start a business, begin with a side hustle. If you know you are creative, you can start by creating some stuff. If you are good at writing, take some freelance work. Also, you can help people around. These days, there are side hustles for everyone, so pick the one that suits you. Save money and get ready to exit the relationship.

3. Sell items you no longer need

If you have lost all the patience and just want to leave, you know you won’t need a lot of stuff. Look around and pick the stuff that you no longer need. Sell it to whoever needs it. This will help you get some cash and downsize the stuff. You can sell stuff online.

4. Organize your finances

Create a realistic budget that you can live on. It should consist of paying off for necessities first, then for other items. This way you can know how much money you need. Things might be tight for a while, but for the better. As you move out of this abusive relationship, you will learn to do things on your own. Also, you will learn ways to earn and invest to save and stay secure.

5. Use coupons to shop

Go grocery shopping with a plan. Make a list of things you need to make the meals for the week. Only shop for items you need, use coupons, and instead of brands, buy generic brands.

6. Educate yourself

In addition to creating a budget, getting a job, and making a plan, learn about money matters and the process involved in getting a divorce. When you learn about numbers and how to do things independently, you will be confident and have faith in your capabilities. You can read articles, enroll in online courses, and gain financial insights to become financially independent.

7. Work with a professional to create an exit strategy

Finally, you should work with a professional to create an exit strategy. Since attorneys and counselors are trained to handle such matters, they can help you create financial strategies. Also, they will help you understand the complexities of financial matters easily. Meeting with a psychologist will help boost your self-esteem, giving you the courage and confidence to move out and be financially independent.

Ways to Build Financial Independence:

1. Divide Household and Responsibilities of Children

It is the right time to work together if you are in a healthy relationship but financially dependent on your partner. Talk to your partner about your wish to work and how you want things to be managed. You are wrong if you think spending time with kids, running errands, and maintaining household chores can be done with a full-time job without support.

Talk to your partner about sharing burdens and how they can help you work. If they don’t have time, you know they are not making excuses to outsource your tasks. Hire a cleaner, maid, and other people to help you so that you can focus on your career. While doing so, never feel guilty about outsourcing tasks. Remember, you have the right to fulfill your dreams.

2. Get financial advice

 If you and your partner want a relationship where both feel financially secure and equal, seek financial advice. This will help you understand how to manage your finances and save for the future. Also, your life goals will become clear, and you can invest in pension schemes and other investments that will pay you both equally.

With the help of these tips, we hope you will be able to move out of a toxic relationship even when you find yourself depending on your partner for finances. You just need to take the step, and things will work out. Take help from your family and friends, have faith in yourself, and see things working out.