Benefits of Shifting Mindset from Why me to Why not Me

When people encounter problems in their lives, they commonly ask, “Why me?” But does this question have any purpose?

Well, it is the most useless question to ask.

If you also consider asking this question, it’s time to change it to Why not me? Once you change your mindset, why me to why not me, you will start finding the solutions for the problem. When you ask why not me, the focus is shifted from the issue to the solution, and you start to look at the problem as a challenge you will solve.

Your mind gets into the focused mode, looking for an answer and giving you different ideas. As the unresolved mystery is not likable by the mind, it begins working towards finding a solution and understanding the belief system, which makes one think negatively.

This is when ‘Why not me’ helps. In this post, we will explain this concept in detail.

Why is “Why me” Not the right question?

The answer to the question of why I usually do not solve the problem. Instead, it makes things worse. To understand this better, let’s take an example –

A person is having a bad time in a relationship, but instead of looking for a solution, is asking why me? Why is it happening to me? Why only me? Why can’t I be happy? What answer can they expect their mind to give them?

In such cases, people generally resort to negative self-talk. Their minds start to give them answers based on past instances, and they hear answers like: It is your fault, you are dumb, you can’t maintain a relationship, you are not meant to be in a relationship, you can’t be trusted, or it is your mistake. All these negative answers make the person feel more guilty and anxious.

If you agree and the same has happened to you, keep reading. Through this post, we at CalmSage try to make you understand how changing the mindset from Why me to Why not me helps.

Reasons Why the Question Why Me Is Not Right

• It is not action-oriented.
• The question makes one get entrapped in the vicious cycle of negative self-talk.
• The person usually ends up blaming oneself as there is no answer.

How Why Not Me Helps?

• The questions are actionable, which makes the mind look for solutions.
• The focus is shifted from the problem to the solution mindset.
• A person becomes self-aware.

The mind is a powerful and intelligent tool that complicates things incorrectly. Instead of asking the right question, most of us always ask the wrong one and get into a cycle of negative self-talk. Therefore, when seeking help from the mind, ask the right question as you do with the Google search engine.

When you search for anything online, do you type in a random query or the exact query for which you are looking for an answer? Surely, you follow the latter, but when it comes to mind, why not do the same?

Once you reframe your question correctly, you will see that your relationship is improving. Your mental health is getting better, and instead of getting into the rut of negative self-talk, you become more positive and start to take actionable steps.

Why not give concrete answers and help you become a better person? But why is it that when you ask the question, why do things get negative? It is because there is a relation between the unconscious and the question why me?

The link between Why Me and Unconscious

The mind does not like unanswered questions. It likes to have answers to all the questions that a person has to find an answer to. A person can go to any lengths to find an answer. The mind feels discomforted when there are unanswered questions or incomplete information.

To understand it better, let’s take an example –

You know that you want to say something, or there is a task you have to finish, but you cannot recall it in such a condition. What do you do? Don’t you start remembering the task or focus on what you should do? Doesn’t your mind bring your attention back to what you have forgotten? Don’t you start getting the clues that something is missing?

These are all the signs that the mind will never leave a question unanswered.

Let’s take another example of forgetting words and trying to recall them so that you can fill-. This is when the mind starts helping you because the mind doesn’t like unanswered questions and incomplete information.

Besides the fact that the mind does not like unanswered questions, there is another important thing, when the conscious mind fails to find an answer, the unconscious mind takes responsibility and starts to look for the answers until found.

This is the connection between the question and the unconscious part of the mind.

To understand this better, let’s think of the time when you tried recalling the name of a known person or a celebrity but were unable to. You tried for some time, but then you gave up. As you stopped focusing after a few moments, hours, or a night’s sleep, something happened, and you just remembered the person’s name. True? Yes. But then, when did this information pop out from?

How could you recall the name as you consciously stopped searching for it? This is when your unconscious mind starts to work. When the conscious mind gives up and says it can’t find the answer, the unconscious takes it as a challenge and asks how there is no answer to this question.

So, while your conscious mind starts to focus on other things, the unconscious mind in the background keeps looking for an answer. It goes on a search. However, if the question is not asked properly, the unconscious doesn’t look for the right answer even when the conscious mind goes to rest. Instead, it starts to give negative answers, which worsens things.

When the conscious fails to find an answer to Why me the unconscious answers based on –

• Past instances
• It starts to drive the attention or focus to the things where you can get the answer.
• If the mind cannot find the answer, it comes up with stories that make internal sense or give the feeling that they are answering the question.

The answer is not something on which action can be taken, as it doesn’t come from insight or intuition. Most of the time, it is a recall. This is why the mind is always said to be a powerful tool, so use it carefully.

Have you ever noticed how when you are looking for an answer, you come across a book, open it, and find the answer? Is it a coincidence, or has God sent the book? It is the unconscious mind working and helping you find the answer. Until you open the book, you will keep seeing it repeatedly because you’re unconscious, looking for an answer and diverting your attention to the book where the problem can be answered.

Another example is a website that keeps opening multiple times, and as you have a question, an article from the website will automatically open with an answer. You might not have noticed these small instances, but they do occur. Hence, ask the right question whenever you have a problem and are looking for actionable steps.

When feeling anxious, instead of saying, I am anxious, or Why am I anxious, put the questions – What is making me anxious? What has happened that makes me feel this way? Ask yourself questions where you can find an answer. Your mind will surely give you the answer to the questions when they are rightly put.

To understand this concept better, please watch this clip.

What did you notice? Did you notice the gorilla?

Almost 80% of people miss because they focus on counting the number of passes. However, the unconscious mind notices everything. The unconscious takes control when the conscious mind cannot answer. Many things happen before us, but we notice only a few because the conscious mind can focus on only a few things at a time. Therefore, when in crisis, give some rest to your conscious mind and let your unconscious mind work to give you the right answer.

So, how does the conscious mind determine where to focus?

The focus of the conscious mind is driven by the questions asked. In the video, the question asks how many times the ball has been passed between the players wearing white T-shirts. So, what is the mind doing?

It focuses on finding the answer to the question and neglects or overlooks everything else that is distracting. This means that anything that is happening that is not directly related to the answer is deleted.

Now, if we go back to the example of a bad relationship, where the person asked why me?

Though the answers to improve the relationship are right in front, they generally go unnoticed because the mind focuses on why the relationship is bad. If the person had asked the question,

What can I do to improve the relationship?

They would have focused more on solutions, improving the mistakes, and improving things.

When a properly framed question is asked, the focus changes from the problem to the solution. So instead of asking why me, you can reframe your question –

• What next?
• How do I improve the relationship?
• What is the best way of doing this?
• Who can help me in doing this?

When you ask such an effective question, the conscious mind looks for an answer and gives you actionable steps to work on it. Once you start asking the right and effective questions, you will get an answer sooner or later. When you get an answer, you can turn it into actionable steps.

Some answers can be immediately applied, while some require planning. You just need to pay attention to the answers that come to you. Ask who will help you move forward with your actionable steps. Reach out for help and see things turning out positively for you.

As you keep using this process and ask questions till you get the answers, you will start seeing that your mind automatically looks for answers and gives you the right answer at the right time. Keep asking effective questions till you achieve the desired outcome. This is the easiest way to keep yourself on track and to change your mindset from Why me to Why not me?

How to use the answers effectively

To use the answer effectively, you first need to understand that the question needs to be framed correctly. We hope by now that you have understood how to frame the question when it comes to applying it to a process every morning when you wake up: What can I do today to bring myself closer to my goal?

Be open. Think of a couple of things that you can do. Do not close the question over time. You will notice that the questions you left open start to influence how you interact with your actions and behavior, thereby helping you find the answer.

In addition to this, every night before you sleep, ask yourself whatever I did today to move closer to my goal. Whatever answer you get, do not criticize or judge it. See the steps that you have taken toward your goal. There will certainly be a few things you have done; some answers you may get automatically, while some may take time, so don’t get this.

Keep working. Experience the change; the things you have done today can be added to the list for the next day. This will ensure you do not miss out on the ideas or answers. Continue the questions and take actionable steps.

Why not me? Why is it important?

‘Why not me? ‘ The question is about realizing your potential. Instead of looking at a task as something you can’t or are not qualified to do, consider it a challenge. Build confidence, think you are ready, and push yourself to take the next step to grow. Be resilient. Never think you are incapable.

Why not me? It is about acknowledging everything is possible and what you intend to do. There are no limits that you can’t cross. It’s about standing in the face of change, facing hesitancy, and working towards it. The challenge you feel with the question brings the balance of yes and no; it makes you learn how to prioritize yourself over your needs.

Understand that sometimes saying no is okay, but learning how and when to say it is important. Don’t get overwhelmed or unsatisfied. If things do not work, keep working towards your goal. Protect and prioritize yourself.

Avoid running away, and set boundaries. If you find people are trying to hamper your mental peace, why not me? It is a statement of strength that you choose to grow into something greater. It means you are ready to take the steps that are required to achieve your goal and be resilient.